it was 2:30 am the last time i looked at the clock before i faded off to sleep. crawled into bed a half hour before that and had trouble getting warm and trouble quieting the thoughts in my head.
but to backtrack a bit, ’twas not a usual monday evening. had a wonderful techie webconference thingy with oqidaun in which i probably spewed way too much technobabble. sorry, dear. we did manage to get quite a few things sorted, though, which was the main purpose of the call.
after that was done and dusted i settled in to watch the ‘two fat ladies’ with bee and we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. love that show, love it.
once everyone was settled into bed or their respective studios, i wrapped up my emailing and websurfing. then i started getting itchy in my head. i hadn’t worked on my knitting in a couple of days and i was pleasantly surprised to find that i missed it and had a physical need to put a couple rows down on the who scarf.
thinking i was only going to be up for a little while, i decided not to put the doctor on, but instead watch a TED conference video. ha! two hours later i’ve got 24 rows done and my head filled with wild ideas.
of particular interest was a talk by the founder of the internet archive. he spoke of his mission of sharing all the knowledge of the world with whoever wanted it. it’s a grand vision and the progress he’s made is amazing.
also of major, major note was a talk on the ’slow’ movement. there’s groups of folks out there working against the tide of our ever more frantically-paced society. taking the time to eat good, well-cooked meals with family and friends, making leisure, thinking and creative time a priority in their lives, working better instead of just faster, are all tenents of the movement.
as i sat there reclaiming time, knitting because i just wanted to, i truly understood this vision. since my revelations earlier this summer, i’ve come to view progress as a kind of evil. do we always need more, bigger, better? what about utilizing what’s already in front of us and taking the time to stop and live.
i can tell the tai chi is working because i can see this more clearly than i did a month ago. i’m regaining that mental space and clarity. i am once again just a little cog in the big machine. i don’t feel the need to make something of myself, to push myself to the limit anymore.
if the only thing i ever accomplish in my life is a bit of web design, some pretty pictures, a couple of scarves and a wee bit of writing, i’ll be happy. i don’t need to be published, i don’t want to be reknowned. anonymity is a happy thing, a place to cultivated quiet, small ideas full of personal meaning.
